The Tour, by A. Schaen
[The stage is set against the backdrop of a mild desert climate. The sun casts long shadows as the wind whispers through the arid landscape. The air is thick with anticipation as prospective graduate students congregate to the Department of Geosciences at the University of Arizona. In the basement of Gould-Simpson the entrance of an unsuspecting door marked “Arizona Noble Gas Laboratory” is adorned with a small doorbell. A group of students congregated out front ring it nervously, the sound of birds chirping can be heard within. The atmosphere is charged with excitement and curiosity, for within, science unveils the secrets of time.
[As the lights dim, a spotlight reveals Professor Pete Reiners, a distinguished figure with a commanding presence. He stands in the center of the stage, wearing a lab coat and reading glasses, and opens the double doors to ANGL.]
Professor Reiners: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the sanctum of scientific revelation! I am Professor Pete Reiners, the maestro of noble gas geochemistry, and you stand on the threshold of knowledge unexplored!
[The wind outside intensifies, creating a sense of foreboding as Professor Reiners gestures towards the laboratory entrance.]
Professor Reiners: Behold, the gateway to the realm of Ar dating – where the sands of time are sifted through the lenses of our mass spectrometers. But first, let us bask in the atmospheric drama that surrounds us. The desert, a relentless theater of extremes, harbors the secrets we seek.
[The lights shift to simulate the transition from the outdoors to the laboratory. The room is dimly lit, adorned with scientific instruments and mysterious apparatuses. Two mass spectrometers, towering like ancient sentinels, dominate the center stage.]
Professor Reiners: (with fervor) These mass spectrometers, my dear aspirants, are not mere machines – they are the gatekeepers of chronology, the custodians of ages untold! Through noble gas geochemistry, we unlock the mysteries of the Earth’s past, revealing the dance of isotopes as they traverse time. Both are sector magnet mass specs, the Helix MC+ and the Argus VI. Both are equipped with extraction lines and CO2 lasers which heat rocks/minerals, releasing trapped Ar under ultra-high vacuum. The gas is cleaned via getters/cyros and inlet into our mass specs where isotopes of Ar are separating via mass/charge. Both are multicollectors and capable of measuring all 5 isotopes of Ar simultaneously.
[The students, wide-eyed and eager, listen intently as Professor Reiners approaches the ArgusVI mass spectrometer.]
Professor Reiners: (whispering) Here lies the crucible of discovery. Ar isotopes, imprisoned within mineral grains, yearn to divulge the epochs they have witnessed. We, the alchemists of modernity, extract these whispers and translate them into the language of time. But we must take care, for not all Ar is the same.
[As the climax builds, the lights intensify, casting an ethereal glow over the laboratory. The students, captivated, are drawn into the mystical world of noble gas geochemistry and this world-renowned leader in the field.]
Professor Reiners: (with fervor) Everyone take a deep breath!
[The students, captivated, follow his instruction as he himself inhales deeply]
Professor Reiners: The air you breathe contains 1% Ar gas that will contaminate our sample! We must conduct these experiments under UHV and correct this atmospheric Ar from the radiogenetic.
[Professor Reiners grabs a marker from the black glass board and immediately begins to derive the age equation from first principles as he shows the mathematical reasoning for this correction.]
[Professor Reiners shows the students the irradiation subroom, explaining how 39 and 37 are produced in a nuclear reactor and enable 40Ar/39Ar, a more powerful chronometer compared to its predecessor K-Ar. He gestures to the computers]
Professor Reiners: Here is an example of the pychron software which operates all aspects of our workflow. It runs the MSs, controls the valves, reduces data, keeps tracks of metadata and produces publication quality figures.
[The wind outside howls, echoing the dramatic crescendo as the students nod in awe and anticipation. The laboratory, now charged with an otherworldly energy, awaits the unfolding of scientific destiny. Professor Reiners describes some of the research being done in the laboratory: clay dating, sanidine petrochron, routine Ar geo/thermochronology for tectonics/volcanology/economic geology]
Professor Reiners: (eyes closed, murmuring) Now I would be happy to answer any questions regarding what has been discussed so far.
[The student stare, wide-eyed, jaws-to-the-floor, at this incredible scientist. They ask several questions which are answered in expert detail. A round of applause ensues.]
[A disco ball is lowered from the ceiling and Icelandic post-rock is blasted from the external speakers sprinkled throughout the lab. A slow but powerful dance party ensues and lasts through the night.]
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